How to start acting if scary? - Olga Yurkovskaya - Blog - Snob

It often happens that fear prevents us from acting, and this is manifested in all spheres of life. How to cope with this and finally, finally, your desires in life?

Of course, very and very stupid not to pay attention to your negative emotions, trying to just suppress them. Sooner or later, the body will revenge you for such inattention, organizing a disease or injury.

Better to any emotions, including fear, relate to as valuable energy, which is temporarily blocked in the body. This energy for your actions should be removed by relaxation. We all know that the constant voltage of the body is transformed into pathology and illness.

Your fear can be very useful. He, like a beacon, indicates the possibility of qualitative changes hidden in man.

Lighten the "intellectual" method of working with fears. We must find what benefits will bring the implementation of this fear.

Make a list that you are afraid. And for each item, find what advantages want your subconscious from implementing this fear.

How it works?

For example, a person is afraid that his business will go. In fact, business has not brought pleasure for a long time. The entrepreneur generally wants to open something new, but does not know what to do with the old one. It turns out that the fear of losing the existing business is a veiled desire to quit it.

Or mommy torments himself with thoughts that something terrible will happen to the child. But actually it says that she is infinitely tired of the child and concerns about the child. She wants to do his own life, with their plans, self-realization.

Then this woman needs to think urgently how to regain his life, at least to some extent. For example, to give part of the work on the housework to other people by paying for their services or asking for help, or even refuse to allegedly necessary, but in fact the functions imposed on it.

Without such an individual work with each of the fears, it is quite difficult to get rid of them.

But it is impossible to stay in the analysis for a long time and in thoughts at all. Think, reasoning and planning is all entertainment, such a buzzroom occupation. The result only provides an action.

Output one - you have to go and do. If it does not work, you can arrange yourself a grandilage. Limit time. Agree and appoint a meeting. Promise and make to the appointed date. Or even prescribe a penalty sanctions for the disruption of the deadlines. And be sure to reward for the task performed.

Then you get rid of the husks of doubts and fears. You will use emotions as the driver uses indicators on the dashboard: find out what happened to the car. The gasoline sensor caught fire - drove to refueling.

The same with emotions: the emotion of fear caught fire. Do not sit, not to test: "Oh, how tragic!" We looked at what the problem was solved by this problem - we are going on. Do not slide on the indicators. Use them only to answer a specific question: "What is right now in my life wrong?"

And actually act - create "so". Only transforming negative emotions, living life in a state of pure conscious action, you will move in a state of flow, going on your way in accordance with your values.

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Fear often tells us - this is exactly what you have to do!

Photo Lena Nova.
Photo Lena Nova.

Fear is a natural instinct. Imagine what was if a person had been deprived of a feeling of fear: he could boldly jump from the 10th floor or go into a cage to the tiger ..

  • And the first advice - do not try to deny your fear. He plays a protective function.

However, now I am talking about fear of destructive, which limits our freedom, fear unreasonable and sometimes invented.

First, a little digits - see how our fantasies are far from real life.

Existing fears in the public consciousness and the real danger of these fears:

Our fears reality

1.Aviakatastro - 25% of death in a plane crash - 0.004%

2.Rejk - 75% Death from cancer - 9.7%

3. DTP - 41% Death from injuries in an accident - 13.6%

4. Alcohol problems - eleven% Death from alcohol - 52%

5. The attack - 48% Death in the terrorist attack - 0.007%

6. Theft, robbery - 33% Theft, robbery - 78%

7. HIV - 66% HIV infected - 0.77%

8. Heart problems - 54% Death from heart problems - 44.1%

9. Unemployment - 38% Unemployment - 7%

10. Sexual violence - 47% Sexual violence - 0.4%

Social fear or fear of communicating did not indicate in this table - but it is he, perhaps the most disgraced from all fears.

I think 80 percent of adolescents are experiencing this fear. He deprives a person able to easily communicate with people, to be natural, to tie new acquaintances, just to live!

The ability to communicate easily and freely - this is a success in work and a normal full-fledged personal life.

Recall that the classic called communication - The biggest luxury for a person And it's a shame to lose this luxury. So how to be?

  • Raise your self-esteem! Many fears are based on problems with self-esteem and confidence in their abilities. If you can not yourself - consult a psychologist. And this is the second important advice to those who overcome fears.

I will tell you one episode from my practice when we are with a girl, my client, in one evening they dealt with this unpleasant and interfering with her to live fear.

We met with Julia in a cafe. High beautiful smiling girl. Talked about their problem. She is an artist for education. He graduated from the art school, came to Moscow, found an interesting job in the specialty.

Everything in her plane is well. But Julia does not get along with a personal life, she does not have a guy. Julia suffers from loneliness. With her beauty does not know how, it is afraid to communicate with people.

The last straw for Yulia was the fact that she once decided that if he could not work with a personal life - she would focus on his career. The girl found excellent business courses, where they were taught how to discover their business and become a successful person.

But there were colloquial trainings on courses, where it was necessary to actively communicate with other participants in training, among which there were many men. And that's it. Yuli has a stupor. She was afraid of approaching unfamiliar people, especially since to start some kind of dialogue.

Julia left paid courses and began to look for a psychologist. So we met her.

The courses were still walked and the Yule had to urgently somehow help - without attempts to find the source of her social fear in her childhood, without long-term classes and exercises.

We finished coffee and I suggested Julia to go outside.

The cafe was located in the very center of Moscow. Saturday evening has arrived and there were a lot of people on the street.

-Ueller, - I told the girl, - Now we will play the game with you. I will show you a person - and you will approach him and ask what I tell you. The main thing, know is not really true, this is a game, a performance. And today you will play the role of a girl without fears. We have no Julia now, and a completely different girl from another life, brave and sociable.

Julia smiled and did not quite understand what she had to participate in.

- What, see, - I showed her a couple sitting on a bench. "Come, apologize and tell them that you are not a Muscovite, the first time in Moscow and ask them to tell you that you can look in Moscow.

Yulia has expanded from the fear.

"Do not be afraid," I said decisively, "I will stand quite around," and this is not life. " Remember - this is our game! Forward!

But Julia looked at me and did not move.

Then I did what I had to do in her childhood Yulina Mom and Dad - namely, to show that it is not terrible to communicate with people, but pleasant and fun. And when you smile - people will respond to your request and be happy to help. I went to the guys and we cute talked with them. Julia stood near.

Of course, the girl was unpleasant that she behaves like a small child in front of a unconscious man and Julia was angry with himself.

And if you are a cant and suddenly it is angry - this is already the floor of the case. With serious panic attacks, my clients coped exactly how to get angry.

  • And this is the third advice to those who have problems with fears - get angry as it should!

And the matter went! Three hours we went in Moscow. I chose in the crowd of the most pretty young people and told Yule - "Forward! I'm there! This is a game!".

And Julia went, asked from unfamiliar people how to go to the large theater, changed money, asked for passersby the phone to urgently call mom. We went to expensive boutiques and she found out there whether there is a gentle-lilac dress there on her birthday, chose a coffee maker for his friend Coffeeman in electrical goods. Then we spoke to her with musicians on Kuznetsky Bridge, found out from a policeman where to look left in the Case bus ...

In the end, Julia asked for someone's money on the subway, since he lost her wallet. And money was given.

After three hours of our game in the brave Yuly, she herself chose in the crowd of the man who she liked and with Azart went to him with his question.

Everything, inside the girl there was some fracture. She realized that people were not terrible. And if you easily and with a smile communicate with them - they are glad to help you.

We said goodbye to Julia and after a couple of days she wrote to me that he returned to their business courses and was no longer afraid to talk with fellow students and successfully examines the exams.

I told you about the most effective and only correct way to get rid of fears, including fear of communication.

Afraid to fly on airplanes - fly more often. Afraid doctors - constantly go to prof. inspections in the policlinic. Afraid of darkness - go with friends to a quest or descend to the cave. Afraid of height - go on the clade. Yes, first the knees will tremble and you will die from fear. But if you do not surrender and go ahead - fear will retreat. The biggest victory is the victory over yourself.

  • The most important way to get rid of your fear - boldly go for fear! Fears, as a rule, do not take such arrogance and immediately retreat.

If my story was useful for you - I will be glad to your husky and subscription to the channel! To new meet!

Without a small year of life during a pandemic period, the time suffered from many people. Uncertainty, fear of tomorrow afternoon, the risk of getting sick - all this provokes us to worry. Sometimes anxiety background, and sometimes it is literally panic attacks. Psychotherapist Ekaterina Sigitov in his book "The perfect storm. How to survive the psychological crisis "tells about many psychological problems with which we encountered in the care days. Project Health Mail.Ru with the permission of the "Alpina Publisher" publishing house publishes one chapter from this book.

Ekaterina Sigitova "The perfect storm. How to survive the psychological crisis »| Publishing house "Alpina Publisher"

1. Respiratory practices

There are many respiratory practices applied when alert. Below is described one of them.

Called "4-7-8". It was developed by Dr. Andrew Veil, a psychiatrist, among other things, to relieve panic attacks and acute anxiety attacks. It can be applied if it does not help just breathe in the package.

The essence of the methodology is that the breath should be much shorter than exhalation. If you have panic attacks and breathe in the bag helps you, then try this practice, it works stronger and faster.

So, it is necessary to breathe, counting about yourself (mentally, in about the pace of the stopwatch):

Inhale: We consider to 4 (1-2-3-4)

Breath detained: we consider to 7 (1-2-3-4-5-6-7)

Exhalation: We consider to 8 (1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8)

Next, without a pause, immediately begin the next cycle:

Breath detained: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7

Next, without a pause, the third cycle. Please note that your breath should be quite powerful to make you enough 4 seconds on the air set for 7 seconds of breathing delay and for 8 seconds of exhalation.

It is necessary to make a minimum of 5 cycles, and better than 10. You may have a small dizziness, tingling in your fingers, goosebumps, yawning, - all this is normal.

In our body there are many feedback systems, one of them - through the gas composition of the blood: how many oxygen is there, how much carbon dioxide, how much other things. This practice, "4-7-8", changes the gas composition of the blood, increasing the amount of carbon dioxide with respect to oxygen. The brain receives a signal from receptors that are located in large vessels: Yeah, the ratio of oxygen and carbon dioxide has changed, give a team to reduce the ejection of stress hormones. So, quickly goes down and our anxiety.

If you become an experienced alarm user, then you will learn this technique to apply and determine when it is time, and when it is not necessary. Her plus is that it is practically reliable. It should not be believed to act. It works and then when you have an alarm attack, and when you cannot fall asleep and when you just wanted to calm down and relax.

2. Careful analysis of the consequences

This is a method based on the method of cognitive-bihevoral therapy and the developments of this direction *. In fact, you need to become very boring, a purely rational man in relation to yourself and very much to start to get silent. How exactly? That's how.

For example, you are worried and afraid to go out. Ask yourself what will happen if you leave?

About T in E T: "Someone will pass by."

And what will happen if someone passes by?

About T in E T: "Well, he will look at me."

What will happen if he looks at you?

It is important not to lag behind yourself before the tenth question. I assure you: when the superficial layer is over your thoughts, very interesting answers will be climbing out of you. Under the top layer of experiences, very unexpected fantasies may be, or, on the contrary, it will suddenly discovered that all negative scenarios have ended and you are no longer alarming.

At some point (when you passed a circle of 10 questions or when you have ended the answers) you can ask yourself the following question: "Well, and that I'm going to do with all this?"

Of course, you can answer that you will do it and then you can not do.

This technique is based on the fact that our fears and expectations are not always realistic, sometimes it is just a panic, and with a certain effort we can clearly see this unreasonable panic. In the alarm, we are familiar to the worst: Of all the many of your expectations, we choose a subset of the worst events, hereinafter - a smallest subset of the worst events, from it is even smaller, etc., until I put on horror. The technique helps not only to see that these are just anxious expectations, but also add structures, literally estimate the plan at the moment when we reach the question: "What will I do with it?" Answers can be very different. For example, "I will sleep a lot" or "I will go and get drunk." There may be answers unexpectedly normal, grounding. Very soothing examples of such answers: "I will forget about it soon," "I somehow cope with it" and so on.

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What to do if one of the answers is "I die"?

Let's grow out. Tell me, what will you do if you die? Personally, I will not do anything, because I will die. I understand that it sounds mocking, but it is. Those of you who believe in life after death can make sure that you will be "there". For those who do not believe in the afterlife, this "I will not do anything" can become an unexpectedly grounding answer. I will not do anything, because I will not know and feel, I will simply won't.

Yes, death scares, and someone such an approach, on the contrary, triggerite, and not soothes. The topic of relations with death is complex and heavy, and many it is so simple, questions and answers, not solved. Someone from such answers is wildly scared, and then this topic can be postponed by making a note in the head: someday you will need to understand your relationship with death. But not right now. Many of you are still too young to deal with this right now, especially in crisis. But it is useful to do in any case, because under many disturbing experiences and fears actually lies the fear of death.

3. Focus Management

Do you know that when you have anxious sensation, can you distract from them? You can watch where you want, listen what you want, feel and think what you want. You are not a slave of your anxiety, even in this and I can not believe. Try! Alarm rolls on you - look around and tell me how much you see around the sharp corners? How much do you see blue items? And red? How much do you see the legs of the tables, in chairs, people and animals? Catch all the legs. Then go back to your feelings again (let's say you still alarmingly) and distract yourself again, drag somewhere. Try to remember how you went to the store yesterday, or how they did pancakes last week, or how you found a long-lost thing. Then return back to the alarming sensations, and then again into the controversies of the mind.

The essence of this technique is in solid knowledge: we can arbitrarily manage focus of attention, even if it seems to us that we cannot. No, in fact, anyway we can. We can distract ourselves, then come back to sensations as many times as we want. This is the zone where we really have control (in contrast to world-wide events), although it may sometimes seem that it is not.

For example, you are worried about thoughts, you have a crowd of thoughts or it is obsessive thoughts. There is a visualization technique and work with a metaphor, called the "Thoughcraft". Imagine a box with strong walls. Safe, for example, iron. Titanium What you want. Every time you have an alarming or obsessive thought, you imagine it in the form of something (some kind of lump, or a sheet of paper with the text, or something else), take this idea, put in a safe / box and close lid. The following thought arose, open the safe again, put it there and close the safe. And so on, while thoughts are not completed. When all thoughts ended, the box or safe is removed from the eye. I propose to clean in the freezer or in the refrigerator so that the thoughts are cooled there. But it is possible on the mezzanine, and in the storage room.

In this technique, persistence is important. It is important not to give up, no matter how thoughts, it's all the same all the time to do: they opened the safe, removed the thought, closed. For those who have such visual metaphors are bad, I propose to write lists. Every thought is written by hand, and a sheet with a list we put in the same freezer. It frees part of your head, because thoughts are already packed and numbered.

Of course, this technique is not 100% effective, and there are those who will still be thawing. But still try. These techniques, metaphors and visualization have been invented for a long time, and many of them really help, despite their simplicity and some absurdity.

5. Search for anxiety

It turns out that the feeling of anger may be associated with anxiety (Margaret Verberg, psychotherapist, expressed one of the first to this thought. Anxiety, as is known, is related to other emotional experiences: for example, very often people are strongly angry, but do not allow themselves to feel anger. And therefore, experiencing anxiety. There is an instant conversion of one emotion to another.

How to find out? It is necessary to answer the question: "If I were not worried about now, but angry, what could I be angry?" The form of the question is that it does not specify the forehead, and therefore there is a chance to receive an answer from myself. Here, again, our fantasy seems to be invented, about what we could be angry if it were not anxiety, but anger. It sometimes helps to get in touch with what is really. And in fact, in the crisis, we can have a very much anger. And she can feed part of the alarm as a gasoline car.

What can be angry? On the situation, on the crisis, on itself, to the world, to the government, for the lack of control, earnings, on restrictions, on power, on other people.

All this is terribly infuriated, the crisis is angry - this is normal. Anger is one of the natural to the crisis of feelings.

  • Examples of answers to this question of different people:
  • I would be angry with the world. And he is!
  • The inability is not too much and being slim.
  • It would be angry.
  • On its weakness.
  • On her indecision.
  • What I can't, damn, check the situation.
  • It would be angry with the work and leader.
  • On relatives, they are everywhere.
  • I would be angry with the fact that I don't control my life anymore, I can not plan and feel free.
  • For restrictions! In the absence of earnings!
  • For missed opportunities.
  • I'm angry with my husband that he is calm, and I worry.
  • For the lack of support.
  • On yourself and the situation.
  • On the child - jumps around the clock.
  • It would be angry with people who hurt me.

Native and loved ones are very furious for some reason.

Are you in contact with your anger? What do you feel?

If you have found anxious anger, you should remember: Your anxiety seems to be fueled by anger. Then, if you enter into contact with the anger, the alarms will become less, and you will be straight and faster everything to worry about anger. Always when we straighten something that was done by the curve, it becomes easier, because we immediately spend less energy. That consists of one link, it takes less strength than that consists of three or four units.

Anger in general to worry is much easier than anxiety, right an order of magnitude. Anger is easy to convert into something constructive. Anger is less destructive. Anger frees. If you have mental metaphors about anger, you can represent how you evil. Like a volcano. Like rhino. Like a mad boar. As an Amazon. You can imagine yourself in different images.

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6. Humor

Humor greatly helps to cope with the alarm in the crisis (your captain is obvious). It is not by chance that the Internet is full of all sorts of flash mobs, members, groups for different crisis topics and all sorts of other things. This, firstly, distracts, and secondly, helps to worry and other feelings in the way that brings less harm. As we remember, our challenge is not to get rid of bad feelings, but to turn them off. Humor, even very cynical, helps to worry exactly. If we can joke over something, what we are worried about, or laughing in someone else's joke, or somehow digest alarm, then this is a healthier processing method than to run around the ceiling. Therefore, I suggest you do not ignore all sorts of funny things on the topic of what you are alarming. Jokes may at some point to start annoying, as it is impossible to joke all the time. But sometimes they can be returned to them and help yourself to digest anxiety in such a way.

Humor is about adoption. Sometimes we can not otherwise get in touch with tough and terrible topics, except as hard and scary on them to joke.

If we don't want to do anything there - either through the mountain, nor through other doors, but only worry all the time anxiety, that in, then the tough joke is good. I will clarify: if you create these jokes yourself, you need to be careful and place them in specially designated places, and not where you will attend someone with a high probability. But this is at your discretion, of course.

It is worth remembering that if you seriously suffered from the crisis and you feel bad, then you will not have a saving humor in stock. Probably, it will be incorrect in such cases to joke sniffer, because it already looks like psychosis. As they say, if it is too long and basically laughing, it is already more like convulsions. Do not bring yourself before. Humor is only one of the mechanisms. If you want to laugh and it helps, - good. If it does not help or if you have already passed this stage, then you just don't need to force yourself: we are all different, and we have different ways of self-help too.

7. Normal behavior

  • If you behave like that you do not worry, then the alarm in some cases goes, decreases. What exactly is meant?
  • First, try to watch the breath, breathe exactly and generally slower than you want.
  • Secondly, smile. Remember something funny or pleasant.
  • Thirdly, make your salivary glands work. When alarm, he dries in his mouth, it is a typical symptom, because adrenaline, cortisol and other stress hormones cause stopping salivation. Many studies have been revealed that if people artificially cause salivation, they have alarm. This is one of the biological feedback mechanisms: if we allocate saliva, then our business is actually better than we thought. How to cause salivation? It can be imagined that you are chewing a gum or eat lemon - these are two trouble-free methods. You can imagine your favorite food.

Fourth, take an open pose, legs on the floor, straighten your shoulders, move them.

These are these four points and make up the basis of normal behavior: smile, slow breathing, salivation and open pose. It sends the body a lot of signals, which is actually everything is fine and worried about us, perhaps even about what. If there was a real threat, then we would absolutely definitely could not do anything. Accordingly, if we can do all this, it means that there are no threats now.

Such a conclusion: if we are in the crisis, then for some time the elevated level of anxiety is preserved, so you need to get along with the alarm. Part of the accommodation process is to just learn to live in a crisis, and anxiously including. Just one way or another to experience strong feelings and breathe, and somehow at this time be at the same time with you, no matter what. All your crisis reactions are not a disease, but a normal response to abnormal circumstances. One way or another we will survive, and everything will be most likely better than now. While we live and breathe, we accumulate the suitcase of the ways what to do in the moment. But without a suitcase, too, not bad. There will be another day, there will be another week, there will be another year. We live.

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(c) S. Fire First you need to understand that fears can play, both negative and positive role. Any fear is first of all the manifestation of care. The body protects us from pain and suffering. therefore - Fears this is friends

. Thank you!

Fear can be useful if it is syliminated. Long experience fear harmful. He paralyzes, stops development and does not allow to fully enjoy life. Fear leads to diseases. The most important way to "calm" fear is

Purchase a positive experience.

How to do it? There are a lot of options.

I will share the twelve ways, how to become a bolder:

1. Go "for the handle" to meet fear. Imagine yourself an adult who soothes your inner frightened child: " All right. Let's go to. Bolder. I'm with you

". Many helps faith in God, for something higher, which gives a sense of confidence and security. .

2. Play in the bold

Try to negotiate with your fear. Tell yourself that today I will do what I'm afraid, and tomorrow, if I want - I will be afraid again.

3. And back to school.

Allow yourself not to understand, do not understand, do not know reality. All fears are in our heads. And mostly - these are only fictional ideas. It's time to learn. Complete experience. To do this, you need to try ..

4. Lay on atoms.

Sometimes it is useful to analyze and even register the answers to the questions: "What am I afraid?", "Why?", "What a rational explanation?", "What is worse - to do or not to do?". The more answers, the greater the probability of depreciation of their fears.

5. Log "Ponaroshka".

Not everything is amenable to logic. Try mentally to live what is afraid. Watch: What happens at the body level, emotions. By analogy with playing guitar. From training fingers from strings tear. Play becomes easier. Repetition of visualization can help easier to cope with fear in reality.

6. Give promises.

Try to give yourself, and even better someone, promise. You can even write a declaration. And follow their promises, despite fears. To do this, it is important to make a decision. Fear lives where uncertainty. Yes, scary. But there is a solution. Let with fear, but still you go to the goal. You never know what you can do till you try.

7. With humor.

Cheer your fears. Where smile, joy, laughter - so a priori there is no place for fears.

8. To breathe deeply.

Fears are born in mind and hide in the body. The first thing is blocked - this breath. If slowly and deep breathe, the body gives a brain signal - calm and confidence.

9. For the company.

Find like-minded people. It's not so afraid to be afraid. And in the company try what is afraid. Next and one in front of another is always easier.

10. For someone.

Choose that person or those people who will be ready to overcome fears, change the situation, to become stronger. Such a goal can work wonders and move to feats.

11. What's worse than everything?

Imagine the worst event development option. Even the worst outcome is better than unknown and talk. Is the difference between death and inaction?

12. Feel like the winner.

And now - what if everything works out? Imagine if there is no fear. What is the result? What do you want instead of the present? How do you feel if you get rid of fear. How will you look? Is it worth acting? Only passing the path of success can be found that the fear was dissolved without a trace. Keyword is Way

. It is through action that experience is purchased. Two things come true in life: Desires and fears

. Do you choose for yourself? I launch a series of free webinars on working with fear.

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